Funny Quotes

Top Best 50 Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes

life is full of hurdles problemes. We fight it and overcome win it every time. Quotes can not remove problems from your life but can change your mood make you happy. here are some Funny Quotes.

  1. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!

  2. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

  3. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”Abraham Lincoln

  4. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”Alan Dundes

  5. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

  6. “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” Albert Einstein

  7. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”

  8. “At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”Ann Landers

  9. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”Anton Chekhov

  10. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”Ashleigh Brilliant

  11. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”– Benjamin Franklin

  12. “Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”Betty White

  13. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”Bill Watterson

  14. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”Billy Wilder

  15. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”Bob Hope

  16. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”Bryan White

  17. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”Charles Wadsworth

  18. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”Charlie Chaplin

  19. “I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”Rodney Dangerfield

  20. “Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” Stephen Colbert

  21. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”Thomas A. Edison

  22. “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”Walter Matthau

  23. “Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.”Woody Allen

  24. “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”Cullen Hightower

  25. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”Denis Waitley

  26. “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”Drake

  27. “A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”Eleanor Roosevelt

  28. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”George Carlin

  29. “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”Groucho Marx

  30. “Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!”

  31. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”

  32. Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.”

  33. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.”

  34. “When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.” Richard Lewis

  35. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”

  36. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”

  37. “I hate women because they always know where things are.”Voltaire

  38. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”Steven Wright

  39. “I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.”Si Robertson

  40. “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”Rodney Dangerfield

  41. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”Oscar Wilde

  42. “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”Norman Wisdom

  43. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”Matt Groening

  44. “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.”

  45. “The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.”Josh Billings

  46. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”

  47. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”Mark Twain

  48. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”

  49. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”Joan Collins

  50. “According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.”Jay Leno

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